IN HIS HANDS

Someone just told me I got to get my foothold back in life because I am just wandering aimlessly as of now. Someone else asked me where was the Sherilyn he once knew that had an Oomph for life. Honestly, I don't know. It might seem as though I have everything going right for me. And what I have many people don't so I should learn how to count my blessings right? Indeed I am very thankful for everything that I have. But something inside is constantly nudging at me, and somehow the path that has been so perfectly laid out isn't what I truly want. I haven't been genuinely happy for a long time. The kind of happiness that arises from deep within, from knowing the direction that you are headed towards is exactly your heart's desire no matter how arduous it might be. But I can't seem to find the strength I need. Even when it boils down to the next step that I could possibly take to rid myself of how I am feeling right now, I don't even have the courage to step out. It's the stability, being in my own comfort zone, familiarity, that I am unable to shake off. So at times when I feel that I am losing myself, I run away. But escaping is not a solution. It never was. Then what is? I can't seem to find it.